China Digital Times

China news tagged with: satire (48)

• Shanghaiist: More Ballads to the Grass Mud Horse (with Video)

  

  The grass-mud horse (草泥马) meme has been spreading like wildfire over the Internet in China and shows no signs of banking.  Shanghaiist has collected three more original songs and videos of the mythical creature which has become the mascot for Chinese netizens’ defiance of official censorship online.

  We’ve already reported on the current darling of the internets, the Grass Mud Horse (草泥马), last week. But after a bout of Youtube surfing over the weekend, we realized that we weren’t doing the almost religious fanaticism to this new meme justice. So we’ve included some more “Cao Ni Ma” ballads to lighten up your Monday morning.

  First off, a girl sings about love relationships amongst the Grass Mud Horses. When Male and Gebi bred, they produced an offspring they named “法克泥马 （Fa Ke Ni Ma）”

  Two other videos feature the grass-mud horse in a Chinese folk song sung by a children’s chorus accompanied by a full orchestra.

  See more of CDT’s previous grass-mud horse coverage here and here.

  » Read more
  • March 16, 2009 12:29 AM

• China State Broadcaster Apologizes for Hotel Fire; Netizens React (Images Added)

  

  Authorities have now acknowledged that the devastating fire at the CCTV complex in Beijing, which killed one firefighter and injured several others, was caused by an illegal fireworks display set off by CCTV itself. The broadcaster has issued a statement of apology. From AP:

  CCTV said it was deeply grieved “for the severe damage the fire caused to the country’s property.”

  “According to the Beijing fire department, this fire occurred because the person in charge of the construction of the new building project of CCTV, without permission, hired staff to set off fireworks that violated regulations,” the broadcaster said in a statement on its Web site.

  The fireworks used were classified as grade “A,” making them powerful and dangerous enough that a special permit was needed to set them off downtown.

  However, the display’s organizers did not obtain such permits and ignored police warnings, CCTV said. Because the building was still under construction, fire fighting systems were not yet functioning, it said.

  Meanwhile, Chinese netizens are busy finding humor in an otherwise tragic situation and spreading Photoshopped images, mostly at CCTV’s expense. While many netizens have expressed their sorrow for the losses in the fire, including the firefighter’s death, a large number of commentaries and spoofs (often using the trendy image of “Grass Mud Horse“) also reflect netizens’ common critical view of CCTV as a powerful propaganda machine. Some of the sharper and more critical posts are quickly being deleted, but many humorous images and cartoons are being widely spread. Many images and cartoons are here, here and here.

  
  “Big Underpants“; “Grass Mud Horse” & “Firebird”

  

  Zuola, a well-known citizen blogger, set up a collaborative aggregation page for the CCTV Big Fire, with BBS and twitter reports, photos, cartoons, news and blog commentaries.

  

  

  

  Han Han, China’s most popular young writer and leading blogger had an immediate comment on his blog when he heard about the fire, in his typical witty, sarcastic style (the post has already been censored, but is still being reposted by many of his fellow bloggers):

  “It’s said that the building had not been put into service when the fire took place, which was a fortunate thing in this disaster. I hope nobody got injured or killed in this accident. …… As for CCTV, this is so hard to imagine, such a always truth-speaking media, how could it be hit by such a tragic event? The gods must have been blind.”

  The full translation of Han Han’s censored text is here.

  

  Grass Mud Horse?

  Update: See also a post from the Time China blog and “China’s CCTV network gets little sympathy after hotel fire” from the Los Angeles Times:

  Even before it was revealed Tuesday that an unauthorized fireworks display organized by China Central Television caused the spectacular fire that destroyed one of Beijing’s new glass-and-steel landmarks, the state-run broadcaster was already the subject of its own firestorm on the Internet.

  The inferno at CCTV’s new, still-unoccupied headquarters complex laid bare simmering anger and resentment toward the network both for spending public money on grand construction projects and for continuing to broadcast government propaganda.

  “As long as there aren’t any injuries, let it burn. They don’t need so many buildings [in]the first place,” wrote one typical anonymous poster at the popular news portal Sohu.com. “CCTV enjoys too much luxury already. They will always have enough buildings, even though this building is down.”

  

  » Read more
  • February 10, 2009 10:46 AM

• Charter 08 Still Alive in the Chinese Blogosphere － Xia Yeliang (夏业良) etc.

  

  Despite the severe and targeted censorship, posts about Charter 08 are still quietly popping up in the Chinese blogosphere. Here are two examples:

  Xia Yeliang (夏业良), Ph.D., Associate Professor and Deputy Director of the Peking University Foreign Economics Research Center, wrote a post “In the year of the ox I want to be a happy pig.” Excerpts translated by CDT’s Japhet Weeks.

  At the end of 2008 and the beginning of 2009 I was called in for chats, twice. The first time the subject was Charter 08. They wanted to know whether or not I was one of the original authors of the document, why I had signed it, etc. The chat wasn’t with the Public Security Bureau — I was already celebrating my good luck, even though they hadn’t offered me either tea or coffee. The person in charge of the chat said: You shouldn’t think that you’re smarter than other people. Peking University has so many professors, why is it that only you and He Weifang signed the charter? This is proof that everyone else trusts the Party and the government. You should stick to doing research in economics; don’t get involved in political science or constitutional studies. You should treasure your position at Peking University. (I imagine that keeping that position depends on how I behave and what I do after this talk.)

  The second example is a joke entitled “General Secretary Hu on Charter 08.” The text is being circulated among many instant messaging service groups, and re-posted by “For a Laugh” (博笑) at a blog called Words Not Caught by the Net, translated by CDT’s Japhet Weeks:

  Party Secretary Hu Jintao was pleased to learn that the special investigative team had already discovered the source of Charter 08. A feast had been arranged in the the Great Hall of the People, and the special investigative team was gathered.

  Hu asked: “Has Liu Xiaobo explained everything?”

  The special investigative team: “He coughed up everything, and his story checks out.”

  Hu asked: “So where does the idea of a ‘federal republic’ come from?”

  The special investigative team: “It comes from a communique of the second general assembly of Chinese Communist Party. The wording of the original text is: ‘build a free federal republic,’ with an extra word ‘free’.”

  Hu asked: “Then, then what about ‘nationalization of the military’?”

  The special investigative team: “We also figured that out! It comes from an anthology of Zhou Enlai’s thought. The wording of the original text is: ‘We must achieve nationalization of the military,’ with extra wording ‘We must achieve’.”

  Hu asked: “Then, then praising ‘western-style democracy,’ where does that come from?”

  The special investigative team: “An editorial in the the Xinhua Daily Newspaper. The wording of the original text is: ‘America represents democratic society,’ with extra wording ‘America represents’.”

  Hu asked: “Then, then, then, what about ‘abolishing the ban on organizing political parties’?”

  The special investigative team: “It’s a saying that Emperor Mao coined when he was fighting the Kuomintang! The original text had an extra ‘down with one-party dictatorship!’”

  Hu asked: “Then, then, then, then what about ‘freedom of association, freedom of speech and freedom of the press’?”

  The special investigative team: “They’re all in the PRC Constitution!”

  Hu asked with great concern: “What recourse is left for everyone then?”

  The special investigative team: “One way to solve this once and for all is to make Emperor Mao, Zhou Enlai, Chinese Communist Party, Xinhua Daily and the Constitution all politically sensitive words, ban each and every one of them without exception!”

  Hu said angrily: “You idiot! You might as well ban me too!”

  The special investigative team: “That’s just what they say, ban you and there’ll be no need to ban any of the ideas included in the Charter!”

  » Read more
  • February 9, 2009 11:02 PM

• Chinese Go Online With Food Safety Jokes

  

  From Reuters:

  Fed up with an almost constant diet of bad news about quality and safety problems, some Chinese are taking out their frustrations with biting jokes on the Internet about the seemingly never-ending scandals.

  In the latest health scare, thousands of Chinese babies have fallen ill and three have died after drinking contaminated milk formula, prompting some Chinese to wonder if there is anything safe to use, and to go online to voice their frustrations.

  One joke, entitled “The lucky day of a Chinese“, takes a look at all the dangerous or unsanitary goods the average Zhou could run into on a daily basis.

  “Get up early, clean your teeth with carcinogenic toothpaste, and drink a glass of expired milk with excess levels of iodine and contaminated with melamine,” it starts, melamine being the compound found tainting the baby milk powder.

  » Read more
  • September 23, 2008 4:06 AM

• Satire: A Happy Day in the Life of an Ordinary Chinese Person (Sanlu edition)

  

  Here is another popular online satire piece, translated by Prof Christopher R Hughes:

  I wake up in the morning and throw off my ‘black heart’ quilt[1]. I turn on the renovated TV that was a prize given when I bought my suit (using a special prize voucher that came with the newspaper). The TV weather forecast says the air condition will be good. I look at the sky for a while – Oh! A very yellow sun! I will not need to wear my acid rain proof raincoat today. After I get out of bed and put on my carcinogenic ‘amine scented’ Walmart clothes[2], and my suit that has been dry cleaned with carcinogenic acetylene tetrachloride, I feel that there is a slight odour on my body and burning in my eyes. Luckily I can freely use my scent for non-pregnant men and the sparkle immediately returns to my eyes. I pick up the toothpaste with its slight traces of the chemical Triclosan[3] and let it react in my mouth with the chlorinated tap water to produce carcinogenic Trichloromethane. I always eat well in the morning and after using the carcinogenic toothpaste I wipe my face with the Benzidine contaminated towel, have a cup of Melamine polluted milk, eat some fried bread sticks (youtiao) cooked in diesel, dipped in some chile source died with Sudan Red, added to a bowl of duck egg gruel with poison rice and egg with large amounts of Lead Oxide, not forgetting of course do add some condiments made with chemical ingredients. After a belch, I put on the helmet I bought for 10 renminbi to keep away the traffic cops and go out. I get on the motorbike which has just had its cut price famous brand brake pads changed and carefully go off to work.

  » Read more
  • September 22, 2008 8:16 PM

• China’s Tainted Food Products Only Harm the Average People, High-Ranking Officials Have Their Own Specially-Supplied Food Sources

  

  While China’s food security crisis has resulted in Chinese people fearing that nothing is safe to eat, a source has revealed that China has always had one special source of food and supply network: that which serves national Communist Party and government officials. This food is specially produced, transported, and examined, according to especially strict standards, translated by CDT.

  On August 18, 2008, State Council (China’s Cabinet) Party and State Organizations Special Food Supply Center Director Zhu Yonglan （祝咏兰）gave the following address:

  » Read more
  • September 20, 2008 7:12 PM

• Tainted Milk Scandal: The Official and Unofficial Response (Updated)

  

  More developments in the contaminated milk case. Reuters reports that the government has ordered more checks on dairy companies and recalled faulty products:

  The State Council, or cabinet, also called on medical authorities to give free examinations and treatment to infants who fell ill after drinking milk contaminated with potentially deadly melamine, the official Xinhua news agency reported.

  The council vowed to punish enterprises and government leaders responsible for the scandal.

  [...] Panicked parents have crowded hospitals and demanded redress since officials and the Sanlu Group, China’s biggest maker of infant milk powder, said last week that babies developed kidney stones and complications after drinking milk made from powder contaminated with melamine, a compound used in making plastics.

  - Danwei translates a news report about an acknowledgment of wrongdoing from the vice governor of Hebei Province, Yang Chongyong:

  In the news conference, Yang Chongyong admitted that the local government is responsible for the Sanlu scandal. Yang also said after knowing the truth, Sanlu did try to to hush it up by paying the victims’ families and the media up until the time it submited a report to the Shijiazhuang Municipal Government on August 2. Shijiazhuang is the capital city of Hebei Province.

  However, after the Shijiazhuang government received the report, it did not, as protocol requires, relay the report immediately to its superior body, the Hebei provincial governments. It was on September 9th that the provincial government finally received the report from the municipal government. But the provincial government, which was supposed to turn the report to the central government immediately, failed to do it.

  If trying to cover things up is what was in the mind of the both governments, there was little point, because word of the problems had already spread, and an investigative committee from Beijing had already arrived.

  - As more dismissals of people held responsible for the tainted milk are reported, the Time China blog asks, “What About Sichuan Schools?”:

  …The authorities are reacting with a swiftness and decisiveness that we have commented recently appears to be very much the central government’s new prime policy when dealing with issues of this nature, a big change from the secrecy and protectiveness that characterized past reactions. But each time this happens it leaves me with a nagging thought: what about the Sichuan earthquake and the schools that collapsed because of corruption and shoddy construction? The government acknowledged that poor construction lay at the root of the problem earlier this month (see here). But so far not a single official or businessman has been detained or questioned, at least to my knowledge. Instead, police have forcibly broken up protests by grieving parents and sometimes forced parents to accept compensation and promise not to raise the issue any further.

  Meanwhile, the New York Times published an editorial about the indirect threat posed to American consumers by the contamination:

  We had been assured by Chinese authorities that their regulators and manufacturers were cracking down on the negligent procedures and criminal acts that have produced lead-laced toys and poisoned pet food, toothpaste and other dangerous goods. But a new scandal involving contaminated baby formula is a frightening reminder that China still is not doing enough to ensure the safety of its products — and a reminder that American importers and regulators cannot let down their guard.

  The tainted milk powder has killed several babies in China and injured more than 6,000 others, many with kidney stones or kidney failure. This is an unconscionable toll and a shameful betrayal of families who relied on their government and corporate leaders to protect them.

  Also from the South China Morning Post:

  Days after the first revelations about babies being poisoned from industrial chemical melamine being added to milk on the mainland, its two biggest producers were still buying substandard milk from suppliers.

  Investigations in Inner Mongolia, the hub of the industry, show that safety loopholes exist in almost every link of the dairy produce chain - from farms to milk-collection stations to major dairies.

  Owners of collection stations that are the middlemen between farmers and production plants say they were only told this week by Mengniu Group and Yili Dairy, the mainland’s top two dairy producers, that the companies would no longer buy discounted milk that failed quality tests.

  » Read more
  • September 19, 2008 9:08 PM

• The Beijing Olympics: Are They A Trap?

  

  The Onion News Network, the video arm of the esteemed satirical publication, has produced a clip mocking the fears and hysteria surrounding the upcoming Olympics, titled The Beijing Olympics: Are They A Trap?

  (Warning: This is satire.)

  
  The Beijing Olympics: Are They A Trap?

  » Read more
  • August 5, 2008 10:27 AM

• Chinese Olympic Team to Wear Tomato Scrambled Egg Uniforms

  

  From ChinaSmack.com:

  China’s Olympic Opening Ceremony uniforms were unveiled Thursday. The uniform’s designer, Liu Ruiqi, said: “When the Chinese delegation comes out, they will certainly catch the eyes of the audience.“

  But many Chinese netizens are not happy. One typical comment is:

  It reminds me of the tomato scrambled eggs dish.

  

  There have been some posts praising the uniforms saying that they look good. Usually, there are replies by people accusing those posters of being “wu mao dang.” One funny reply was like: “Wu Mao brother, ugly is ugly, there is no need to ridiculously claim it is good looking.”

  More photos and netizens’ comments are here.

  » Read more
  • July 28, 2008 10:16 AM

• Chinese Love Letters Over a Half Century

  

  A comparison of Chinese love letters from the 1950’s with a series of brief SMS love messages posted this week on Sina reveals just how far the concept of love has traveled in the reform era. Translated by CDT:

  (A typical marriage photo in 1950’s)

  Dear Brother Cheng:

  Examining our love, under the guidance of three red flags–the general line, the Great Leap Forward, and the people’s communes–in the past year (our relationship) has been following a healthy, intimate, friendly road to flourishing. The main performance is: over the past year, we wrote 95 letters, an average of 3.8 days per letter. I wrote to you 55 times, 58% of the total letters; you wrote to me 40 times, 42%. The longest among the letters was about 3,000 words, the shortest letter was more than 1,200 characters……

  Over the past year, we have dated about 58 times, on average once a week. I invited you 38 times, 66% of the total dates; you invited me 20 times, accounting for 34% of the dates. The average time for each appointment was three hours. The longest was five hours, while the shortest was about one hour…

  Over the past year, I visited your parents 38 times, an average of 9.6 days. You came to my home to visit my parents 36 times, an average of 10.1 days…

  All the above interaction sufficiently shows: We care for each other, love each other, help each other. We are equal and we love each other with a positive attitude. Viewing this in the “divided into two” point, there are also shortcomings and deficiencies. From the data perspective, the development of (our) love for each other is uneven, and we must redouble our efforts in the future. With the pace of the Great Leap Forward, we also need to strengthen our feelings day by day.

  Therefore, in the future, we should strive to focus on the word “love,” pay close attention to the word “pro-,” and implement the word “competent,” push our love to new heights, do a good job in our positions, and complete the party’s various tasks for our younger generation. During the Great Leap Forward years, we depend on the party’s leadership to create conditions for the success of our marriage and the establishment of happy families. Finally, the New Year and Spring Festival is approaching, I wish you advanced thoughts, good health, and happiness!

  Your loved sister

  Running hand on December 27, 1958

  Here are some examples from the 21st century:

  » Read more
  • February 17, 2008 4:17 PM

• Doomed to Repeat It

  

  Austin Ramzy wrote on Time China blog about a transcript of a February 1973 conversation between Chairman Mao and Henry Kissinger.

  Earlier this week the U.S. State Department released a new volume about U.S. foreign relations with China. It included a transcript of a February 1973 conversation between Chairman Mao and Henry Kissinger. Several media outlets (BBC, Bloomberg, and yes, Time.com, via AP) jumped on what seemed to be the most newsworthy aspect of the discussion. Mao offered to send 10 million Chinese women to the U.S. “Let them go to your place,” Mao told the U.S. National Security Advisor. “They will create disasters. That way you can lessen our burdens.

  There are a couple amazing things about this coverage. First off, the conversation is hardly news. The story appeared, though not the exact 10 million figure, in Kissinger’s 1982 memoir “Years of Upheaval,” and in an excerpt TIME ran upon the book’s release. It appeared again later, this time with the verbatim 10 million figure, in the 1999 book “The Kissinger Transcripts.”…

  The odder part about all this is how the story was treated in some coverage, as if this was a potentially legitimate offer from a wild and crazy Mao. It was of course a joke.

  » Read more
  • February 16, 2008 8:23 PM

• Song: Chinese Children

  

  Zhou Yunpeng 周云蓬, 38, is a poet and folk singer based in Beijing. He went blind when he was nine. His last image of the colored world was the elephant in a zoo playing harmonica. This became an inspiration for him to write songs and sing later in his life. He likes to describe pure beautiful nature like a paradise, but he often reminds readers of the coldness of the external world and the struggle within a man’s heart. His language floats like water, his voice is rich and calm. The song below reflects several tragic news events. The helpless and angry tone represents a powerful social and cultural critique from the compassionate artist. Listen here. Music from Sogou, Lyrics translated by CDT:

  Don’t be a child of Karamay, you would burn your skin and make a mother’s heart ache

  Don’t be a child of Shalan town, you wouldn’t fall asleep under the inky black water

  Don’t be a child of Chengdu parents, a drug addicted mother doesn’t go home for seven days and nights

  Don’t be a child of Henan parents, AIDS in the blood laughs out loud

  Don’t be a child of Shanxi parents, your father would become a basket of coal and you would never see him again

  Don’t be a child of Chinese, when they starve they would eat you

  They’re worse than the old goat in the wilderness, whose eyes might become aggressive to protect their little ones

  Don’t be a child of Chinese, the parents are all too weak

  To prove their hearts are as hard as iron and stone, when death is imminent, they save their leaders first.

  ＝＝

  Another song by Zhou, called Empty Cup, goes like this:

  Children go out to play, haven’t returned
  Old men go to sleep, haven’t awakened
  Only middle-aged men sit lost in thought
  Night falls, lights come on, time for home
  Children dream of their own children
  Old men think of their grandmas
  Only middle-aged men are busy planting wheat
  Growing and deteriorating, the flowers have bloomed
  Turned to dust, turned to dust
  Grown, turned to dust
  Flowers bloomed, turned to dust
  Water ran for ten years, turned to dust
  Clouds floated for ten years, turned to dust
  ==
  Read some Chinese critiques of Zhou’s music at here, here and here. His profile is on the Southern Weekend.

  Another music video based on Zhou’s music and story of missing children of Shanxi brick kiln.

  

  » Read more
  • February 11, 2008 4:00 PM

• Cartoon: An Alternative Olympic Countdown - Lao Jiang (老蒋)

  

  While the official “2008 Olympic Countdown” clock is prominently displayed on the Tiananmen Square, some Chinese bloggers have also come up with their own version. Here is a humorous flash: a clock counting down the days till the Olympics are finished, via Rebecca MacKinnon’s Rconversation blog.

  See also: “Olympic Posters with Chinese Characterastics” on CDT.

  » Read more
  • February 6, 2008 10:12 PM

• New Drinking Songs

  

  Political jingles are not new in China. Even in Mao’s time, powerless people at the bottom of society used jingles to express themselves (often in the form of veiled criticism, sarcasm or anger, in reaction to the dominance of official propaganda).

  In the Internet age, those kinds of “songs of the weak” now have an explicit space to be collaboratively (and anonymously) composed and distributed. The following is called “New drinking songs,” thanks to David Kelly for the translation:

  Drinking songs are a custom at Chinese banquets. A person starts a form and the person next to him must follow the same form to create a similar one. Whoever fails to do so has to take a drink of hard liquor.

  Mayor:

  My chopsticks are pointed; my plate is round,

  I’ve been in hundreds of thousands of hotels,

  I’ve eaten at thousands of hundreds of restaurants,

  Did I spend a single penny? No! *

  » Read more
  • January 25, 2008 9:23 PM

• Beijing WC, Illustrated - Jeremy Goldkorn

  

  A university student named Eric Mu wrote this article to illustrate a squat toilet in Beijing, via Danwei:

  So this is Beijing, where the shiny futuristic-looking skyscrapers are many while the public toilets are few and far between.

  Maybe you’ve had one glimpse or two of real Beijing WC, somewhere down in a deep hutong: brick concrete structure, men one side, ladies the other, decorated with big or small Chinese characters indicating something political, or vulgar, sometimes both. There are also the posters on the wall giving you medical advice to treat certain kinds of diseases that you do not want others to know about; and the phone numbers of people who promise you counterfeited anything, from a college degree to residence permit. Most importantly, these Beijing WC are — as far as I know, with no exception — forbiddingly and intimidatingly smelly and disgusting….[Full Text]

  [Image by the Beijing-based graphic designer Su Wei, via Danwei]

  » Read more
  • January 22, 2008 9:44 AM

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