With Chinese authorities unsure of how to best react to an imminent Trump presidency, many in China—where the president-elect has a fair share of fans—view his electoral victory as vindication of China’s system over America’s. A high school teacher in Luohe, Henan demonstrated this view by constructing a mock Trump campaign speech for use in a patriotic education curriculum. The fake speech bears at least some resemblance to real addresses made by Trump over his past 18 months on the campaign trail, highlighting the American failings that inspired him to launch a  campaign to “make America great again.” CDT has translated the fake speech in its entirety, which was shared as a photo on Weibo by Lieshabailiai (@列沙白利哀) along with the comment “an incomparably remarkable work” (旷世奇文):

Luohe No. 5 High School Students Patriotic Education Study Materials

—Trump’s Presidential Campaign Speech

The U.S.A has for twenty years been pushing democracy to the entire world, and what have we gotten for it?!

Over the past 20 years, we have considered ourselves international police and democratic warriors, vigorously promoting democracy.

People cling to their guns and greenbacks, and in these 20 years Iraq’s Saddam, Libya’s Gaddafi, Syria, Egypt, Ukraine, Turkey, and Greece have fallen in succession!

And I ask what we Americans have gotten ?! Our businessmen don’t dare head to the Middle East or Africa to do business, in the Brazil Olympics they didn’t dare raise the national flag, and in the oil fields of the Middle East admitting one’s American citizenship is a death wish!

Stupid Obama and Hillary have offended Putin, have offended the EU, have offended China!

Our America exercises control over high-technology, but surprisingly cannot overtake China in international trade, and has had to abandon the WTO to engage in the TPP!  Have a look at what China has been up to over those 20 years. Not only did they take away our status in the WTO, but they also bought 80% of the world’s steel, 40% of the oil and natural gas, 70% of the soy, 80% of the copper and gold. They’ve purchased Ukrainian aircraft carriers, Israeli guided missiles, German machine tools and French wine!

And dammit, they’ve used American dollars to buy it all!

They’ve bought our grain, and sold us instant noodles; bought our steel, and sold us bikini underwear; bought our oil, and sold us condoms and plastic toys!

But this isn’t even the main point. China’s ongoing internationalization of the RMB directly undermined the security of the U.S. dollar, what do we say? With the yuan devalued, they can immediately convert them into dollars! And who knows, they have loads of dollars, probably more than we do!  

And dammit, Africa, Europe, and Southeast Asia have been snatched away by China! This is the end!

I absolutely do not support Obama’s TPP. I’ll let the Democratic Party’s Obama and Hillary Clinton make themselves the biggest idiots in American history!

I must be your next president, support me, support our glorious independence. On behalf of those with money conducting business, we demand better days!

Over those 20 years, China’s private cars have gone from nothing to a national traffic jam, their high-speed rail infrastructure makes up 70% of the world’s, and soon 50 million of their urbanites will have high-speed connections!

The world’s longest bridge, tallest bridge, most complex bridge were all built by Chinese people and we’re not taking this seriously!

Housing prices in Beijing, Shanghai and Shenzhen are catching up with those in New York, and moreover they first have to marry and then they can go crazy scrambling!  

If Chinese people don’t go to a country on vacation then that country freaks out, if China doesn’t buy global iron ore or oil than the economy is in a slump… And even more annoying is that they basically have no terrorist activity going on in China…

The U.S. is now caught in a tremendous dollar bubble, we’ve become a disaster of a country!

So give me your vote, only I can rescue America from this disaster. [Chinese]