译者 慕容炭
In 1991, as his marriage to Gettas was crumbling, Haggis went to a Fourth of July party at the home of Scientologist friends. Deborah Rennard, who played J.R.’s alluring secretary on “Dallas,” was at the party. Rennard had grown up in a Scientology household and joined the church herself at the age of seventeen. In her early twenties, she studied acting at the Beverly Hills Playhouse and fell in love with Milton Katselas. They had recently broken up, after a six-year romance.
叛教者（一）http://article.yeeyan.org/view/142990/171296
叛教者（二）http://article.yeeyan.org/view/142990/213253
叛教者（三）http://article.yeeyan.org/view/142990/214076
叛教者（四）http://article.yeeyan.org/view/142990/214867
叛教者（五）http://article.yeeyan.org/view/142990/216054
叛教者（六）http://article.yeeyan.org/view/142990/217087
叛教者（七）http://article.yeeyan.org/view/142990/217704
叛教者（八）http://article.yeeyan.org/view/142990/217935
1991年，他和Gettas婚姻的土崩瓦解，哈吉斯去参加了在山达基朋友家里举行的国庆日聚会。德博拉雷纳德曾经在《达拉斯》中扮演过迷人的秘书，她也去了这个聚会。雷纳德在一个山达基家庭长大，17岁时自己也加入了山达基。二十多岁时，她在比佛利山庄剧场学表演，爱上了米尔顿凯撒勒。他们的恋情持续了六年，当时刚刚才分手。
“When I first met Paul, he said he was having a ‘crisis of faith,’ ” Rennard told me. “He said he’d raced up to the top of the Bridge on faith, but he hadn’t gotten what he expected.” Haggis admitted to her, “I don’t believe I’m a spiritual being. I actually am what you see.” They became a couple, and married in June, 1997, immediately after Haggis’s divorce from Gettas became final. A son, James, was born the following year.
“我第一次遇到保罗的时候，他说他正处于‘信仰危机’之中”，雷纳德告诉我。“他说他已经迅速升至了信仰之桥的最高处，但是他没有得到他所期望的东西。”哈吉斯向她承认，“我不相信我是一个灵性的存在。你看到我什么样，我实际上就是什么样。”他们成了一对儿，1997年6月，哈吉斯刚一和Gettas离婚恢复单身，他俩紧接着就结婚了。第二年生了儿子詹姆斯。
Rennard, concerned about her husband’s spiritual doubts, suggested that he do some more study. She was having breakthroughs that sometimes led her to discover past lives. “There were images, feelings, and thoughts that I suddenly realized, That’s not here. I’m not in my body, I’m in another place,” she told me. For instance, she might be examining what the church calls a “contra-survival” action—“like the time I clobbered Paul or threw something at him. And I’d look for an earlier similar. Suddenly, I’d realize I was doing something negative, and I’d be in England in the eighteen-hundreds. I’d see myself harming this person. It was a fleeting glimpse at what I was doing then.” Examining these moments helped the emotional charge dissipate. “Paul would say, ‘Don’t you think you’re making this up?’ ” She wondered if that mattered. “If it changed me for the better, who cares?” she says. “When you are working on a scene as an actor, something similar happens. You get connected to a feeling from who knows where.”
雷纳德为丈夫的精神困扰而担心，建议他加强修炼。她正取得重大突破，有些时候能引领着自己发现前世。“是我蓦然之间发现的一些图像、感觉和想法，不在此生，我不在我的身体中，我在另一个地方，”她告诉我。例如，她可能正测试山达基称为“逆幸存”的行为——“比如这次我打了保罗或者向他扔东西。我必须寻找以前有没有类似的事情。忽然，我认识到我正在做一些消极的事情，我在十八世纪的英格兰。我知道自己正在伤害这个人。我一瞬间瞥见了我正在做什么。”测试这些时刻有助于消除情绪上的负荷。“保罗说，‘你不觉得你是在胡编乱造吗？’”她不知道这有什么要紧的。“如果这样让我变得更好，谁还在乎呢？”她说。“当你像个演员似的致力于一个情景，一些类似的事情就发生了。你不知道从哪儿获得了一种感觉。”
Haggis and Rennard shared a house in Santa Monica, which soon became a hub for progressive political fund-raisers. Haggis lent his name to nearly any cause that espoused peace and justice: the Earth Communications Office, the Hollywood Education and Literacy Project, the Center for the Advancement of Non-Violence. Despite his growing disillusionment with Scientology, he also raised a significant amount of money for it, and made sizable donations himself, appearing frequently on an honor roll of top contributors. The Church of Scientology had recently gained tax-exempt status as a religious institution, making donations, as well as the cost of auditing, tax-deductible. (Church members had lodged more than two thousand lawsuits against the Internal Revenue Service, ensnaring the agency in litigation. As part of the settlement, the church agreed to drop its legal campaign.)
哈吉斯和雷纳德一起住在圣莫尼亚，他们的住处很快变成了进步党派募捐者的活动中心。几乎任何事业只要支持和平与正义，哈吉斯就允许它们打出他自己的名号：地球通讯办公室、好莱坞教育及扫盲计划、非暴力推进中心。尽管他对山达基越来越感到幻灭，但还是为之募集了大笔大笔的金钱，自己也捐了相当多，频频出现在捐赠者荣誉榜上。最近，山达基教会作为一个宗教组织获得了免税身份，那么以来，所得捐款也和听析的费用一样，不需要交税了。（教会成员曾经针对美国国税局提起两千多起诉讼，让代理处陷入诉讼的罗网。作为和解措施的一部分，山达基同意终止他们的法律战。）
Over the years, Haggis estimates, he spent more than a hundred thousand dollars on courses and auditing, and three hundred thousand dollars on various Scientology initiatives. Rennard says that she spent about a hundred and fifty thousand dollars on coursework. Haggis recalls that the demands for donations never seemed to stop. “They used friends and any kind of pressure they could apply,” he says. “I gave them money just to keep them from calling and hounding me.”
哈吉斯估算了一下，多年来他花费在课程和听析上的超过了十万美元，而花费在各种各样的山达基行动上的有三十万。雷纳德说她花十五万美元在培训上。哈吉斯回想起山达基对捐赠的需求从来没有停止过。“他们利用朋友，凡是能施加压力的手段都用上了，”他说。“我给他们钱只是省得他们老是来找我给我添麻烦。”
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