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Poison jackal

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dú chái 毒豺


In Mandarin, “poison jackal” sounds similar to “dictatorship” (独裁: dú cái). The poison jackal is one of many mythical creatures whose names are thinly veiled political puns. Mortal enemy of the poison jackal is the “chirping pig” (鸣猪: míng zhū), which sounds nearly the same as “democracy” (民族: mín zú) in Mandarin.

The following are loosely translated excerpts from a mock encyclopedia entry on the poison jackal [zh]:

The poison jackal is native to China and has a long history. While once common throughout the world, the poison jackal is now only active in a few countries such as China, Cuba, Sudan, North Korea, etc.

The poison jackal is carnivorous and there are no animals it won’t eat. Of particular interest, is that before it attacks, it circles its prey snarling and barking as if trying to express something. Zoologists, able to understand the poison jackal, have confirmed that what it is saying is “I’m doing this for your own good!”

Because it has very sensitive ears, the poison jackal deplores hearing other animals make noise. When it hears other animals make noises, the poison jackal falls upon them and tears them to shreds. As a result, all the other animals have learned to either nod their heads silently or applaud when near the poison jackal.

The poison jackal’s mortal enemy is the chirping pig. The chirping pig is native to the West and feeds upon poison jackals. In the past several hundred years, it has spread particularly quickly. The ability of the chirping pig to overcome the poison jackal comes from the chirping pig’s loud “chirp.” The force of this chirp causes the poison jackal to bleed from all its orifices, curl up, and die.

Despite becoming endangered in other parts of the world, the poison jackal continues to thrive in China. That is because the river crabs, and watered weasel apes are able to effectively ward off the poison jackal’s only predator, the chirping pig.

毒豺原产于中国,其历史悠久,已不可考,曾经遍布全世界, 如今仍活跃在中国,古巴,苏丹,朝鲜等地。