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Poison jackal

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毒豺 (dú chái): poison jackal

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In Mandarin, “poison jackal” sounds similar to “dictatorship” (独裁: dú cái). The poison jackal is one of many mythical creatures whose names are thinly veiled political puns. Mortal enemy of the poison jackal is the “chirping pig” (鸣猪: míng zhū), which sounds nearly the same as “democracy” (民族: mín zú) in Mandarin.

The following are loosely translated excerpts from a mock encyclopedia entry on the poison jackal [zh]:

The poison jackal is native to China and has a long history. While once common throughout the world, the poison jackal is now only active in a few countries such as China, Cuba, Sudan, North Korea, etc.
The poison jackal is carnivorous and there are no animals it won’t eat. Of particular interest, is that before it attacks, it circles its prey snarling and barking as if trying to express something. Zoologists, able to understand the poison jackal, have confirmed that what it is saying is “I’m doing this for your own good!”
Because it has very sensitive ears, the poison jackal deplores hearing other animals make noise. When it hears other animals make noises, the poison jackal falls upon them and tears them to shreds. As a result, all the other animals have learned to either nod their heads silently or applaud when near the poison jackal.
The poison jackal’s mortal enemy is the chirping pig. The chirping pig is native to the West and feeds upon poison jackals. In the past several hundred years, it has spread particularly quickly. The ability of the chirping pig to overcome the poison jackal comes from the chirping pig’s loud “chirp.” The force of this chirp causes the poison jackal to bleed from all its orifices, curl up, and die.
Despite becoming endangered in other parts of the world, the poison jackal continues to thrive in China. That is because the river crabs, and watered weasel apes are able to effectively ward off the poison jackal’s only predator, the chirping pig.
毒豺原产于中国,其历史悠久,已不可考,曾经遍布全世界, 如今仍活跃在中国,古巴,苏丹,朝鲜等地。
毒豺是肉食动物,胃口颇杂,无所不食,而且爪尖齿利,天性好斗,不过这些都不足为奇,另人费解的是它们在吃掉其他动物之前都会围着它转上几圈,嘴里叽哩咕噜好一阵,貌似在表达什么,据动物学家翻译那意思是:“一切都是为了你好!”
毒豺的习性十分奇特,由于耳膜天生异常薄弱,所以毒犲不喜欢听别的动物大声鸣叫,遇到随便叫唤的动物,毒豺就会冲上去将它们撕成碎片,动物们逐渐不敢出声,只会点头和鼓掌。
毒豺的天敌是鸣猪。鸣猪原产于西方,专以毒豺为食,近百年来繁殖迅速,遍布全球,毒豺逐渐被消灭,据说斗争中毒豺们背朝敌人,从屁眼里喷出一股股奇臭剧毒的液体,这种毒汁腐蚀性极强,沾者立刻血肉消融,只剩一架白骨,十分骇人!毒豺当年正是以此横行天下的,所过之处尸横遍野白骨森森,天下生灵为之涂炭……直到出现了鸣猪,鸣猪让毒豺们胆战心惊的地方就在于他们的嗓子,这也是“鸣猪”姓名的由来。鸣猪遇见毒豺时会发出响彻云霄的鸣叫声,穿透力极强,毒豺的耳膜承受不住,会七窍出血,气绝而亡。

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