I’m The U.N. Undersecretary Your Mother Warned You About – The Onion

 Content Files Images Undersecretary The following is a satirical look at U.N. Undersecretary-General for Economic and Social Affairs Sha Zukang, from The Onion:

From the moment I showed up at the General Assembly, the other countries knew I was trouble. They took one look at my three- button navy suit jacket and my dark, searing eyes, and prayed to whatever God they knew up there to keep their daughters safe from me. I guess it was the way I just waltzed right in, pulled my collar up, looked Ol’ Ban Ki-moon dead in the eyes and asked if we were gonna sit around talking like a bunch of nancies all day or do something about child slavery in Burma. “Just what are you the U.N. Undersecretary of?” they asked. “Well,” I said, stubbing out a cigarette on my wingtips. “What do you got?”

See, I’m not like those other public servants who are dedicated to saving succeeding generations from the scourge of war and promoting social progress and better standards of life in larger freedom. I’m dangerous. I play by my own set of detailed bureaucratic procedures. I’m a rebel. A rogue. And I make the ladies swoon from sub-Saharan Africa to the shantytowns of the Mekong River Delta.

So don’t call me Undersecretary-General for Economic and Social Affairs Sha Zukang. Call me Daddy. [Full Text]

The Onion is a United States-based parody newspaper published weekly in print and daily online.

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