This satiric blog post is from The Swordsman’s Practice Hall (ÂâëÂÆ¢ÁöÑʺîÊ≠¶ÂéÖ) blog: (in Chinese) (translated by CDT)
1. Good morning everyone, this is the “Law and Order” program. Recently, XX police force successfully cracked a case of serious soccer gambling. Five suspects were arrested. Police remind the public, any form of soccer gambling is illegal. Illegal gamblers will pay a price for what they do. ……
(half an hour later)
Good morning everyone. Here is the “I love the World Cup” program again. Please call into our hotline, or send text messages to our competition to guess the winner. There is a ten thousand yuan award waiting got you!
2. Good morning everyone. This is “The law catches all” program. I am the MC, Catchall. This May, police cracked a murder case which involved unpaid wages. This case has profound lessons. Police remind all migrant workers friends, when you try to collect your unpaid wages, you must follow the proper legal procedures…..
（half an hour later）
Good morning everyone. Please watch the following “excellent soap opera series”: “Seven Fatal Swords” “Deadly Flying Knife,” “Fatal Swordsman,” and “Deadly Society.” They all tell stories of ordinary people finding their way to get justice.
3. Good afternoon everyone. This is “Today’s Legal Lesson” program. With the development of the market economy, the phenomenon of misplacing advertisements in public places is getting out of hand. Some ads are on transportation buses, some are on newspapers and magazines, some of them are on street signs, some are on the walls of schools. Some of those ads have indecent words, creating serious negative effects on the image of our city and psychological health of our youth. Here, we make a strong appeal to relevant government agencies to take action against those misplaced ads. Firmly stop that kind of behavior that is for their economic benefit only, but violates others feelings. Please stay with us. See you after these advertisements.
ad # 1 – A Chinese woman: “Ji’er vagina cleaning fluid, just use it for three days your vaginal infection will be gone……”
ad # 2 – A western woman: we all use Fuyinjie (women’s vaginal cleaning))
4. Good afternoon everyone, this is “Society Watch” program. This is program is brought to you specifically by the sponsorship of China Mobil and China Connection. Recently, peasants living standards have been raised, but superstitious activities are flourishing again. Our reporters are doing interviews in XXX village, and we saw those underground fortune-telling activities. Please follow our camera, and watch these cheating activities with us……
（half an hour later）
Ads: Dear friends, do you want to know your last life and next life? Do you want to know who is your true match in this life? Please pick up your cell phone and send out this text message, if you are China Mobil user, please send to 12345, if you are China Connection user, please sent to 54321. You will know your fate and destiny.
5. Good Evening, everyone. this is “315 Everyday” program, As we all know, consumers are god. but in this XXX shop, consumers became victims of forced buying and selling…….
（half an hour later）
Announcement: Recently our station will start to promote digital TV. All users must come to our station within three days with all necessary documents to apply. It is voluntary to apply and additional fees will be charged. Those who do not apply within the deadline will only be able to watch six channels and no more, the responsibility for which will rest with the consumer.
6. Good evening everyone. Welcome to the “Daily News.” Currently, all ethnic groups of the whole nation have devoted themselves to studying “eight honors and eight disgraces” movement. All citizens expressed their commitment to practical actions to implement moral standards raised by the Party General Secretary: “The honor of industrious labor; the disgrace of indolence …..”
（10 minutes later）
Yesterday, those instantly famous, instantly rich pop singers Li Yuchun and others came to the countryside. The artists went to visit Grandfather Zhao, Grand Auntie Qian, Uncle Sun and Auntie Li and other poor peasants and donated toothpaste, Coca Cola and other snacks, as well as gave them souvenir autographs.
Grandfather Zhao said with embarassment, “You made more money in one minute than we made working a whole lifetime. ”
Uncle Sun grasped Li Yuchun’s hands in appreciation: ” Thank you! Thank you glorious artists!”
Auntie Li said it in tears: “Li Yuchun, what a handsome young man. If you were only little bit taller, I would have thought it was the basketball star Yao Ming who came here!”
