I’m a big official with a nice big watch. I bang on about integrity, then go home to bang my mistress.

我是大领导，手上戴名表。台上讲正气，回家小三搞。

Wǒ shì dà lǐngdǎo, shǒushang dài míng biǎo. Táishàng jiǎng zhèngqì, huíjiā xiǎosān gǎo.

The “big official” is a tiger with two little flies buzzing near his ear. Xi Jinping has talked about striking both “tigers and flies” in his anti-corruption campaign, sparing no cadre whatever his or her rank. But Xi is probably no different from any other official.

Former Shaanxi official Yang Dacai, also known as Watch Brother, made luxury watches a liability for public servants.

I’m a taxi driver, rushing here and there. The work is tough but I’ve got change to spare.

我开出租车，四处来奔波。虽然有点累，挣得还算多。

Wǒ kāi chūzūchē, sìchù lái bēnbō. Suīrán yọ̌udiǎn lèi, zhèng dé hái suàn duō.

I’m a grade school student, weighed down by stress. I want to be a bird, not become a dragon.

我是小学生，活的不轻松。我想做小鸟，不想变成龙。

Wǒ shì xiǎoxuéshēng, huó de bù qīngsōng. Wǒ xiǎng zuò xiǎo niǎo, bù xiǎng biànchéng lóng.

Chinese parents who “hope their children become dragons” (望子成龙) push students to study hard from a young age. The Ministry of Education has proposed to lighten the homework load in an effort to ease the burden on children.

I’m a street peddler, selling trinkets on the sidewalk. There are two things I fear: the rain and the chengguan.

我是小商贩，路边摆小摊。天上怕下雨，地上怕城管。

Wǒ shì xiǎo shāngfàn, lùbiān bǎi xiǎotān. Tiānshàng pà xiàyǔ, dìshang pà chéngguǎn.

City management officials (chengguan) are notorious for roughing up street vendors. In July, watermelon seller Deng Zhengjia died after a chengguan hit him in the head with his own scale weight.

I’m a temporary worker and a permanent scapegoat. There’s nothing I can do. They’ve got my goat.

我是临时工，有事往上冲。本来不想冲，不冲也得冲。

Wǒ shì línshígōng, yǒushì wǎng shàng chōng. Běnlái bù xiǎng chōng, bù chōng yě děi chōng.

The government often blames their own mistakes on “temporary workers.”

I’m a village head. I make my own rules. I use the public coffers for my boozy, gambling fun.

我是小村官，无法又无天。吃喝嫖赌抽，坑蒙拐骗贪。

Wǒ shì xiǎo cūn guān, wúfǎ yòu wú tiān. Chīhē-piáodǔ chōu, kēngmēngguǎipiàn tān.

The Internet, especially Weibo, has enabled ordinary people to expose the corruption of local officials.

I’m an actress. Got my start in state song-and-dance. I represent the people and I speak for big brands.

我是女演员，出身文工团。开会当代表，产品做代言。

Wǒ shì nǚyǎnyuán, chūshēn wéngōngtuán. Kāihuì dāng dàibiǎo, chạ̌npǐn zuò dàiyán.

This is most likely a jab at Song Dandan, who rose to fame through her peformances in CCTV’s New Year Gala. Song was a representative at this year’s National People’s Congress, where she told the press she “didn’t understand her role”–which, one would assume, would be to vote on legislation. Martial arts star Jackie Chan, also in attendance, made the same admission.

I am a senior expert. I get a special allowance. I may not know much, but I sound like a f**king genius.

我是老专家，特殊津贴拿。满腹经纶草，说话很牛叉。

Wǒ shì lǎo zhuānjiā, tèshū jīntiē ná. Mǎnfùjīnglún cǎo, shuōhuà hěn niú chā.